I have to laugh at myself and give my head a good solid shake. And as you read this, even if you are the purest and strictest of all moms, you will have a relatable moment. But, remember us before kids? When we would adamantly state that our future kids would never stay up late or never watch tv. They would never embarrass you with a tantrum in a store. How fucking funny is that shit now? I look back at that woman fondly as my “hypothetical” mom self.
So, in light of mom shaming everywhere, I am going to shame myself. Because for 1, shaming is horrible and I believe a form of bullying and 2. We gotta laugh at ourselves and admit hey, we knew absolutely nothing back then.
Here is what my hypothetical mommy self had planned for her future kiddos (haha)
My baby will sleep in a crib, in her room
I have to smile at this because this was the one area with both my girls that I struggled with the most. Had I actually stuck with my hypothetical approach, even the tiniest bit, I may have had better sleepers. But hindsight is always 50/50, right? With my first, I swore up and down that my baby would spend her first night at home in her crib, in her own room. I didn’t want to create any sleep dependencies from an early age and this momma was gonna get some sleep. How hilarious right? Here is a picture, our first night home. My little bundle in her crib all teeny tiny, alone…..and I could not do it. I couldn’t just leave her there alone after being in my belly for 9 months. It made me sick to think of. Sean laughed and had that look “I told you so” as I scooped her up and brought her to our room. Now, I had been SO set on this plan that we did not have a bassinet. Or play pen. We were not prepared. So, I laid her in bed with us. (gasp, I know) BUT….do you know that I was the most paranoid, safest momma who ever bed shared? I won’t get into the details or science of it, but it worked. I got sleep, she got sleep and I was an all you can eat buffet.
So that got old, fast. Sean picked up a second-hand bassinet a few days later and I again, so so naive thought I would simply place her down and since I was right beside her, she would drift off. That shit did not work that way, let me tell you. Oh, my dearest little girl, she was and still is very headstrong. Sleep train, right? Lord knows I tried all the things. The only thing I didn’t do, was let her cry it out to the point of puking or going hours on end. Some parents can do that, I personally cannot. My heart hurts and it literally breaks me. I tried checking every 5 minutes, pick up, put down, pick up, put down, bedtime routine that any momma would be proud of. But this little girl would not cave. So, I did. We were both miserable, when I knew if we just kept the snuggle train going every night that we would both sleep and both be happier for it. So that’s what we did. Fast forward, she is 3 now and she may need one of us to lay down with her to sleep but she is asleep within minutes and stays that way until morning. Now my 2nd child, I knew what I was in for. She slept amazingly for the first 4 months. I did nothing different.
She was in our bed as well, I was an all you can eat buffet, history repeated itself except, I could put her down in her bassinet and she would sleep, I could put her in her swing and she would sleep. 4-month sleep regression is real mommas. It’s a thing. All the sudden, BAM little miss was having none of it. So, we struggled, I did the sleep train thing again, again it failed miserably. Or maybe I failed it. Either way, it was a rough few months. But my littlest, she is so chill, so relaxed and she makes her own choices this one. One day, she started fussing, and being so restless in bed with me that I thought, hmmm I’ll put her in her crib and see how it goes. Mommas, SHE SLEPT! And soon, it was through the night and here after my first I thought I was due for another doozy but she surprised us all. She literally taught herself. Every baby is different, truly. So, don’t beat yourself up on what you did or didn’t do. They are their own people, and they surprise you sometimes.
My child(ren) will utilize educational toys and games instead of TV
HA. Until you are trying to make supper and you have a toddler emptying the pantry all over the floor, the Tupperware strewn everywhere and said baby is clinging to your leg so you are literally shuffling along in your kitchen trying to get these damn potatoes on the stove! You drop bits of food and little head pats to appease the monster but that only lasts so long. You’re desperate. You cave. Enter the world of Paw Patrol, Max & Ruby and Dora. Not Caillou though. Never that shit. Seriously. That’s some fucked up shit right there. I’m not here to tell you hand over the remote to your toddler/child. Or to give them their own iPad. No no no. What I do mean is, there is no hard or fast rules. Especially when a little peace and quite is given so you can get a task completed, in a calm, patient manner. I was getting impatient, flustered and quick to anger. I was a better mommy because I wasn’t being nagged and pulled at every few seconds. It drove me batty. Now mommy gets quiet time for whatever I need and they can watch a show. Or do a puzzle. Or colour. It doesn’t have to be TV, but it does have to keep their interest. My kids have a short attention span, except for Skye, Marshall and the rest of the gang. It just works. So why break it?
I won’t swear in front of my kids and I’ll filter what I say.
This is not all untrue actually. Of course, we should filter some of what we say, or hold off until children are not in ear shot. They are innocent and some things they do not need to hear. I however, have a filthy potty mouth and like the meme, there is something satisfying about a well-placed f bomb. My eldest is 3 now and I am literally shocked that she does not say more of the bad stuff we say. But it also made me realize that we do not give our kids enough credit. Gosh they are so damn smart. She knows, the way we use certain words and the context that hey, Momma is saying a bad word and it’s probably not good if I repeat it. She has done it a couple times and like the responsible parent I am, after I am done giggling, I put on my stern face and tell her that mommy said a bad word and she shouldn’t repeat what momma says. Although, a little bit of me is kind of proud. Ok, I said it! She used it in the right context and everything. Little thing is a genius. But with this one, all comes down to common sense.
They don’t need things.
This one I was sure I wouldn’t spoil them with ‘things’. They didn’t need a massive amount of toys. And it’s true. They don’t. but here’s the thing as parents. It’s a hard notion when you are in a place that you can give things to your kids that literally light up their beautiful little faces. The simple joy in a $5 my little pony? Or kinder surprise at the check out. You as a parent, LIVE for these moments. And they aren’t always the result of treats and presents. The joy from baking an apple pie with her Daddy is enough to fill my heart, or the lights on the xmas tree and every house in our neighbourhood makes her so giddy. She gets excited at the littlest and biggest things, thinks you are the greatest mommy ever and throws her arms around you. Oh, and when they start saying I Love You, watch out. So no, they don’t need ‘things’ but you will do just about anything to bring a smile and joy to those little kiddos. You don’t have to reward bad behaviour, it doesn’t have to be an expensive toy or even a toy at all. Kids are so impressionable. Right now my youngest is 1 and she thinks her dad’s hat is the bees knees. I could give that hat to her every day to wear and she is so stinkin excited and so adorable. No, things aren’t needed. Toys aren’t a necessity. But you will wake up one day and wonder how you got to accumulate so many ‘things’.
And my last one.
I will make time for me
This is a big one because it’s a double-edged sword I find. Enter Mom guilt. Taking time to go on a date with your love or as simple as having a nap or hot steamy bath while they nap is important yes, but conflicting. Firstly, leaving your baby with someone, even if it’s your own mother is hard. It takes getting use to, so you may go out and go through the motions of date night, but you are constantly checking your phone, talking to your partner about whether the baby is ok and all around legitimately not enjoying yourself. You feel anxious, sick to your stomach and the moment it’s time to return home you cannot drive fast enough. Although it gets better each time, after 3 years the feeling of coming home to your excited little humans is still the best feeling in the world.
Taking quality time while you are home with the kids, now that’s different. Also, a negotiating tactic of what is more of a priority? Those dishes sitting in the sink from last night or a bubble bath and then tackling those nasty ass dishes? That laundry that needs folding or your comfy bed for a nap? The thing that sucks about taking quality ‘Mom’ time is that all those chores, and gross shit is still waiting for us when we’re done. You do the gross shit first, and I guarantee that baby will be wide awake the moment your toe touches that glorious bubble bath or your head sinks into that comfy pillow. It’s mommy law after all. I’ll go back to the TV thing again here. I have set up my eldest with a snack and a show so I can have a bath alone. It might only last 15 minutes at best but hey, better than no minutes. If you can find a balance between horrid house chores and mommy time, then I applaud you. I am still trying to find that balance.
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