The Accidental Surrogate: Part Two - The Unfiltered Mommy

The Accidental Surrogate: Part 2

9 weeks along

Official due date: December 23, 2018.

Everyone knows now. Everyone that matters at least. It’s completely surreal and Darcie can’t believe this is the direction her life has taken.

Let’s recap.

Darcie is pregnant from a one night stand with a man she hasn’t spoken to since. She is carrying this baby to term for her brother and sister in law to legally adopt. Which will make her Auntie Darcie. Meanwhile she is having to navigate the rocky terrain of sharing the house with her ex husband while this baby grows inside of her, which is not his baby. Capiche? Whew…. (haven’t read part one yet? Read here)

In all honestly, part one of this story got ridiculous traffic and really beautiful and supportive comments. I’m excited that my readers can be a form of support, a rock and place of comfort for Darcie.

Where were we

Talking to Darcie, she is really in a positive mind set. She has thankfully had no morning sickness and her most noticeable symptoms at this time are the extreme mood swings It’s exhausting and new for her to experience sadness, anger and happiness all within minutes of each other. As someone who is not typically emotional, this is extremely foreign to her.

The concern from family, friends and readers is the potential attachment we all fear Darcie will make with this baby. There has been no attachment so far, and she hopes that there won’t be. She never wanted kids and the fact that this baby was never hers, with the idea of her brother adopting from the get go, makes it unlikely that she will feel any attachment. Or so she hopes. There are no guarantees in life, so I hope, for the sake of her heart, that she doesn’t bond or get emotionally attached to this baby growing inside of her.

Auntie Darcie

She will be Auntie and the parents have an open adoption with their son, so they will do the same with this baby. Whether or not when or how they tell the child the truth is still to be determined. When I asked about determining the gender of the baby, it is the one thing she feels strongly about. She does NOT want to know. If they wish to know, they will be provided the gender in an envelope, in private with the stress that no one can know or let it slip. It is the only thing she has asked of her brother so far in this experience.

First Ultrasound

The first ultrasound was last week and Darcie’s sister in law attended with much excitement. She never got to experience any of this with her son, so the fact she can be there to support Darcie and see her baby through the next few months is so special. Although the technician didn’t play the audio for the heartbeat, they both got to see the baby on the screen. There was no emotion for Darcie, although she did agree that it was amazing to see. Darcie’s mother has shown concern that she isn’t showing more emotion, especially at the ultrasound. Not sure where the win is here, but Darcie stressed to her mom that this has been her brothers baby from the start, so she has been able to easily separate herself from that emotional aspect.

During the ultrasound the doctor and the women discussed options for testing for birth defects and general health of the baby. Her next ultrasound will test for more of those concerns, which so far is scheduled for mid June. There is no panic for Darcie or her sister in law. They can only hope for a healthy baby at this point.

Delivery

Speaking to her family about when the time comes for delivery, she has asked that both her sister in law and her Mother be in the room at the time. Sister in law will cut the cord, as she did for her son when they adopted him. The after. When her belly is empty, when the commotion of the delivery is subsided and baby is united with the parents, that is the time when she may feel the most alone. She’s asked her Mom to remain with her, because honestly the hormones raging through her after delivering her baby and going back to just ‘Darcie’, may be the hardest thing to overcome. I imagine it could be extremely emotional, shocking and, even lonely.

At the recommendation of many concerned family members and friends, Darcie has started to see a professional regarding everything in her life, from her separation from her husband to the adoption and afterwards. She has met with her once and the experience was so positive, commending her for being so strong and brave for doing this. Darcie brought up that she was doing this series on The Unfiltered Mommy and her doctor even stated that this could be huge help therapeutically to work through anything Darcie may be questioning or any feelings she may be having. Having a professional state that these steps are nothing but positive is a great affirmation for Darcie, in addition to seeing the comments and feedback on the blog.

Part 1 and feedback

Part 1 on the blog was popular! The comments left were so kind, beautiful and supportive. Darcie agrees that most feedback has been a positive and supportive one, although she has shared 2 negative experiences so far, one from a friend who most likely means well, but her approach to her questions are harsh and questioned Darcie on her self care and care of the baby. She’s not stupid, she knows the situation she is in. She knows exactly how it looks. But Darcie is a smart woman. She may have made a poor decision that lead to her current situation but she is not an ignorant person, and has stated time and time again that she will do anything in her power to ensure she makes the right decisions for this baby, her brother and Sister in law.

Darcie is staying active, hiking, eating right and her doctor has no concerns so far. She plans to keep looking forward and enjoying this summer as much as possible with her dogs and family and friends. Although food may be her biggest obstacle yet! She laughs as she says she cannot get enough of it. She cannot stay satisfied, as soon as she is done eating, within minute she is searching for another snack. This is all new territory for her, and she says she is shocked at how much she is showing already.

Dating life update

I asked her briefly about dating and if she is tackling that beast with this situation. Her response “dating sucks ass” haha. I mean, in normal circumstances, dating can suck the big one. But to navigate the waters of “oh hey, I’m pregnant and my brother is adopting it, let’s do coffee” is a whole new ball game. She stressed that she is exhausted of the cycle of repeating her situation to new men. Giving justification as to WHY she is doing this, just to have them ghost on her. She’s trying to keep her head up and knows the end goal is much bigger than her. She mentions that someone once told her that the one she’s meant to be with will be there regardless of any baggage. She’s still holding out for that person.

Although the sharing of the house with her ex has been interesting now that the cats (babys) out of the bag. It’s become more of a roommate situation so sharing household chores and dividing those is hard when he finds it hard to handle her situation and be around her. Which Darcie admits is fair and she says she finds it hard at times too.

Divorce and now an unexpected pregnancy.

This isn’t the life she had imagined in her mind. Not even a little bit.

Read Part One of the series here.