Part 4
This is an overdue update! Darcie’s due date is Dec 23rd, and this update was suppose to be published a few weeks ago! Better late than never. So here goes….
One Month Left
With one month left in Darcie’s pregnancy, things are rather…normal? As normal as it CAN be when you are pregnant with a one night stand baby, and having your brother adopt her, also while going through a divorce and becoming roommates with your ex husband! Whew, deep breath.
Darcie is feeling great, amazing actually. She looks at her body and yes, she has stretch pains, swollen ankles and emotional outbursts (damn hormones) but she is thankful she has had such a healthy pregnancy. The biggest change from our last update, is all the movement. She feels baby girl kicking and rolling all the time now. Although a very sweet experience, one that isn’t so fun is the constant pressure on her bladder.
Her most recent doctor’s visit showed baby girl was right on track, and actually measuring 1 week over. Heart beat was strong, and Darcie’s nephew was there to hear his little sister. He has been so excited to be a part of it all. The support Darcie has felt through all of this has been amazing, with her Sister in law accompanying her to every doctor’s appointment, which was important to Darcie. Her Brother and Sister in law check in every week to see how she is doing. It’s been such a nice balance to know they care and to also allow Darcie her solo time.
Talking personal, divorce, pregnancy, job and dating
Family life, and personal issues are a whole other battle. Christmas is harder this year. It’s a reminder of when her husband told her he wanted to split, now this year with the divorce final and carrying a baby is not how she would have pictured her life if you had asked her 2 years ago. Christmas can just skip her this year, it just doesn’t feel the same. She’s happier to be at home, by herself with her dogs while she recognizes that not everyone will understand that mentality, but it’s a coping mechanism and she also would like to rest and take time for herself, before and after baby.
With the divorce being finalized in October, the relationship between her ex husband was good for awhile, they seemed to establish a friendly banter of sorts and would keep in touch chatting about mutual responsibilities that need to be dealt with before fully moving on. IE. Selling the house. But they have grown more distant, and speak rarely now with her ex living elsewhere. Previously Darcie mentioned her ex husband’s issue with seeing her grow and become more and more pregnant with every passing month. That hasn’t changed and he has stayed away for the most part. The house didn’t sell, which is really the last thing on the list before they can fully cut ties. They will try again in the spring, so until then, they will continue to be in each others lives.
Birth Plan
When I asked her if she had a birth plan she laughed and said “what’s that?” But went on to say that no she doesn’t. She doesn’t want to add necessary worry and believes she will come when she’s ready. She wants to have a vaginal delivery and didn’t hesitate to say she will do what she needs to ensure a healthy delivery. The recovery is her biggest worry. Maybe reading too much Web MD online but the blood, tearing, pain, first poop…all concerns. I had to laugh when I read her answers back as I remember how different my 2 deliveries were. I suggest she get a blow up doughnut to sit on after, takes the pressure off that area.
The ability to work out again and get her body in shape is something she is looking forward to very much. Her body has changed so much and she realizes thats par of the course, but she worked hard to get her body before baby and damned she will get it back.
After Delivery
I asked her what her plans are after the baby is born. I believe it will be a huge shift in focus, as there will be no baby in her belly anymore. No divorce to worry about. Things will be…different. Quieter. Lonelier. She said she’s going to take the time off work needed to recover, and keep busy with whatever she is allowed. Play it by ear and see how she feels. Winter doesn’t help as it’s rather cold outside, so reading more or listening to some podcasts, Netflix is always great. Her Mom will help her the first week of recovery so she can rest and get herself healed but mentioned after that she feels she will want to keep to herself for a bit.
She has lived the last 9 months being peppered with questions on baby, how does she feel? How did this happen? What will she do? How is the divorce? Are you dating? And truthfully she wants to hole up and just be Darcie for a little bit.
I’ve brought up the concern about her feelings towards the baby. I only put so much importance on it because as a Mom, I know the feeling of carrying your child. The emotions and connections, and after delivery, that is heightened. Darcie was quick to put me in my place to assure me that her feelings have not changed. She hates being pregnant, and that hasn’t changed but she still is adamant that this baby is her brothers and she will love this baby as her niece. Darcie’s happy for her brother and sister law, and obviously thrilled she could give them this gift. Giving the timing, it will be a miracle xmas gift, one to remember.
Open Adoption & Regrets
Discussing the possibility of revealing who Darcie is to the baby in the future was brought up again. Her Brother and Sister in law will most definitely tell her one day who Darcie is and what she did for them. Darcie is supportive of that and feels the message will be that of love and acceptance. Being an open adoption she feels makes things easier for everyone. Less questions and mystery. It seems to be the unknown that is hardest for adopted children.
I asked Darcie a question that I hesitated asking at first. What if her answer isn’t something her family would want to hear,or her readers. My question was:
Do you ever feel like if you would go back you would do anything differently in your decision?
Her answer was amazingly put, and I’ll quote her:
”Deciding to go through carrying this baby, I wouldn’t change a thing. Change the actions leading up to it, hell yes I would be carrying those rubbers or going back onto the pill the minute I separated from my husband. I still feel blessed I’m able to do this for them and for giving them this life, that makes my heart grow.”
This whole journey hasn’t been easy, actually the whole thing has been one huge ball of stress and anxiety. Going through the divorce, a new job, trying to sell the house and being pregnant. It has been hard to watch her body transform and change. Harder to grasp than she would like to admit, regardless if it’s temporary or not. She is determined to get her old self back though, even better than before.
I asked Darcie what she was looking forward to after this was over and she laughed saying it would sound weird but, her period! Crazy to think she would ever want that monthly burden back but I think it’s more of what her period represents. She is getting her tubes cut after baby so she won’t have to worry about birth control.
She had dated and was seeing someone briefly who was going a separation as well, so it grew to be a fast supportive friendship, one she still values, even if there is no romantic side to it. Having that connection with someone that cares for you meant more to her than she could ever articulate. It was a relationship that really helped her through the past few months. And for that she is grateful to him.
Future plans after baby
When I asked her about her relationship with her ex after this is all over, and would she cut ties completely, she surprised me when she said she truly hoped they could remain friends. They had been each other’s best friend for so long, regardless of the failed marriage, they once were best friends. With a shared circle of friends there will be times they will see other for sure, but she hopes they will get to a place where they can be friends. It may not be over night, but one day.
At the end of the interview I asked her something that took her by surprise. “Wow” she said, “I haven’t really even given any thought to that personally”
I asked her, What are your hopes and dreams for your future. In 5, 10 years, where do you hope to see yourself? She answered rather candidly, and normal…because she wants what everyone wants. She wants to be happy. To be healthy and get her sexy self back. To find love again and have a healthy relationship this time. To find a home for her and her dogs, to travel, to be successful in her new career and mostly live life the way it was intended to. She left me with this.
“I do believe all things happen for a reason and whatever life throws my way, I will make the best of it.”
Footnote:
This whole series has been done anonymously, and we will continue that, 100%. We had discussed at the last update after baby is born that there might be an opportunity for a baby picture, which would still be anonymous, no one would know who she is, who she belongs to, however it is something the adoptive parents feel strongly about not sharing. Darcie states it’s a dead subject and won’t bring it up again. So we will do our last update after baby is born and respect the parents wishes. Thank you readers for following along on Darcie’s journey these last few months and we look forward to announcing baby girls birth and going through the experience of the delivery and recovery with Darcie in the next month.
Read the series from the beginning.
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