The Me Too Movement
I was reluctant to write about the Me too movement, in any capacity, even though, as a girl mom, it not only concerned me immensely, it intrigued me. What are we teaching our girls? How are we teaching body image? What is acceptable body image and most importantly, what is perceived to be acceptable? How to teach our daughters to embody themselves, own their mantra, their personality and to not let haters hate. But how is too much skin, a too short skirt, a midriff acceptable you ask? Is it even? Is it asking for attention, as so many men and others have vocalized. The fact that some woman may feel confident and beautiful enough to show their skin, their bellies, or legs and to have others take that as, she wants to be touched, whistled at, to be groped. To have men think ‘I don’t need consent, her outfit is consent enough.’
How about the unspoken advancement for careers for women. Or that A in class to pass? Being a woman is hard, to prove ourselves worthy do we need to flirt with our boss and professors? Offer “services” in exchange for opportunity? How about our brains, our intelligence and drive? Our dreams and passions? Those speak louder than literally lip service, my friends.
How do we teach our daughters?
So, how do we teach our daughters to respect themselves, while also being themselves. Can they be one in the same? In a world where social media is flooded with sex to sell, to get what you want/need, to get attention, how do we ensure that women and girls don’t buy into that? That they are more than that. Yes, Parents of boys, you have a huge job too, maybe more so than us girl moms.
Moms of boys, you have to teach our daughters future husbands to be respectful, that a woman who wears spaghetti straps isn’t “asking for it”, to take the demeaning vocabulary out of it. “whore” “slut” “bitch” and so on. To teach your boys that women are fierce, lady bosses, who grow life inside of them, to grow your family. To carry your name, to be your partner in life. Teach them that no really means no. That a kiss doesn’t mean yes. That the inability to say no, doesn’t mean yes. Because she dressed a certain way, doesn’t mean she wants it, or you.
But girl Moms, I think our biggest job is to determine the line and grey area. Teaching our girls to own their bodies, be comfortable in their skin, but don’t be provocative? What is provocative anyways?
Don’t you dare leave the house in that skirt young lady.
Wash that make up off.
Put a sweater on.
Why? Why do we do that?
I’ll answer that.
Because we are scared of what people will think of our daughters.
We are scared for the safety of our daughters.
Because we are hypocrites, even though we don’t want to be. We want our daughters to rock her taste and personality, but hey, wait, That’s not appropriate. Where is that line? When is it OK? Age 12? 18? 40? Who made these rules?
False Accusations?
With the Metoo movement, came accusations, sabotaging, careers ending, reputations ruined and some, not even truthful or real allegations. This might be the most bothersome thing about the Metoo movement, for me. These are serious claims. Peoples marriages and careers are ending because someone out there needed to capitalize 15 minutes of fame, took advantage of the heightened scrutiny of men (sure they think about sex every 8 seconds after all) and climbed on board the bandwagon. Here is where this might turn controversial for some. I believe all women have a voice. A voice and a body. If you can say no and walk away, do so! I say this because there are women that falsely accuse others of rape, assault and battery. I do believe this movement catapulted false accusations. His word against hers. No evidence and with the power of this movement, social media and celebrity support, it is nearly impossible to take down an accused person from the stake. So, this is my worry….that the false accusations or exaggerated examples are what will take the Me too movement, and completely disarm our voice as women.
Here we are, we finally have a window of opportunity to speak up against what is wrong. To share our experiences as a band of strong, brave women. To let others know they are not alone. We have all been a victim of sexual assault, harassment or even rape. More often than not, we keep quiet, we don’t voice it. We are taught to be ashamed or even that we asked for it. The MeToo movement is to teach women that we have a voice, that we don’t have to keep quiet, that we are fighting the stigma that social norms have put on us. BUT! That does NOT mean you get to abuse that movement. You don’t get to take down what some brave women have built up. Use your voice in a specific, smart and intended way.
You are not the exception, but the norm
The words “Me Too” is exactly what you need to read and digest. It’s building a community of woman, that are saying, you are not alone. It’s OK. You are not the exception, but the norm. It’s shedding light on the millions of woman who have accepted this as OK in the past. Speaking out to say, hey, this is NOT OK.
It’s teaching our daughters to respect their bodies, to say no, to take these situations and accusations seriously in either form.
Whose problem is it, really?
I would LOVE to hear other women’s and mothers take on this. Where can we teach our daughters to own their bodies, be confident but be appropriate and are they one in the same. If we teach our daughters that mini skirts are inappropriate, we need to back that up with an answer, wait, let me rephrase that. We need to be able to confidently answer that in a mindful way that is not conflicting two beliefs, or social norms. My entire life I was taught it would bring unwanted attention, not by parents alone but society, TV and others. If a woman is dressed sexily, whose problem is that? Hers? Or the individual who sees her and believes she’s “asking for it”?
And let me clarify, before you all put me on trial. If my daughter were to leave the house in a miniskirt,showing her belly and a pound of make up on, that would not sit well with me. Obviously. But for reasons I’ve said already. Nothing to do with her, at all, but with society, and their perceptions.
Tell me what you think by emailing me erin@theunfilteredmommy.com
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